Managing the Gap Between The Expectation and Reality in Life

Written by Anonymous

You are not for everyone. A small sentence with a punch. As a 30-something-year-old woman, the goal for me, in my adult years, was how can I be less of an asshole today? Therapy. Taking a hard look into the ugly parts of myself and learning why I do the shitty things I do. Common theme was as follows: fear, hurt you before you hurt me, do something not so nice so I can inevitably avoid any pain. No communication, just ostracisation. I was the ultimate Irish goodbyer in all sorts of relationships, with no warning. Throughout this process, and being brutally honest with myself, I gained significant self-awareness. I became highly conscious of the people I surrounded myself with. What do you know? I came to the realization that people are fucked up!Working on yourself is rare. People are perfectly okay with their shitty behavior. Makes it extremely hard to make friends, especially as a lame grown-up. I started to set boundaries with people in my life. Sometimes I regret all the therapy and hard work because I was never lonely or bored. People treated me like shit, and I was oblivious. With my newfound self-awareness, I believed I would surround myself with quality people. What's that saying 'you are the company you keep'? Could not be further from the truth. The truth is that the norm is to not be accountable, self-aware, or considerate of someone else's feelings. Going through life's traumas and adapting unhealthy coping mechanisms is the norm. If you have ever gone to therapy, you're one of the few. I started this journey of self-love, thinking it would make me a better person with great people around me. That was the expectation. The reality is that I am more alone than ever. This new way of thinking has given me perspective. I have more self worth, and also expectations of what I deserve in friendships. I had someone fairly close to me once say, "you haven't found your tribe." All I could do is laugh, she said that to me 15 years ago! I am really good at making people laugh, but as far as deep-seated connections, it's where I fail. That actually says a lot about me. I guess I am way more fucked up than I thought.

When you're a little kid, the expectation of your adult life is that you will be successful and have lots of friends , family and money. The reality, if you're healthy, have at least one close friend, have a job and a place to live, you're doing phenomenal. If you have been searching for your "tribe" you have come to the right place. I don't claim to be a professional writer so if my grammar is off, it's just my authentic self! The purpose of this blog is to shine some light on how lonely adulthood is. Welcome, enjoy, connect , and hopefully you won't feel so alone.

email:Theunspokenthirties@gmail.com